Sex Education for Christians 101

Sixteen year old Joe has two first degree felony sex charges involving a 12 year old "consenting" female. Joe attends church on Sunday and his youth activity every Wednesday. He has a leadership position in his youth group. His parents are also active in the Church. The court has ordered Joe to complete a Sexual Behavioral Risk Assessment. I'm doing the assessment. Oh yea, he's on the school honor roll.😇

Joe wears a white shirt and tie to my office. He's very polite and calls me "sir."

I started collecting Joe's sexual history by asking "How many girlfriends have you had? How many dates you've been on?" He replied "No girlfriends. Never dated. My religion teaches me I should wait to date and only group date."  I move on to my favorite question, "What parts of girl's body is wrong for you to touch?"  👉 It's my favorite because it tells so much about a person's understanding of sex. Joe was silent for a minute then he said "I don't usually say those words." I reminded him it would be okay to tell me. He responded "Privates."  I asked "What names do you use for a girl's privates?"  He became noticeably anxious. There was more silence. He responded "Do I have to say it?" I reminded him the judge expects him to answer all my questions. He eventually said "The part between her legs."  At this point I gave up!  I went on to the other questions: "Have you ever engaged in sexual behavior?"  He replied "No."  Then the question "Have you ever had sexual thoughts or feelings?"  He quickly replied "No." 😂

It's pretty easy to do a sexual history on someone believing they have no sexuality.  So I completed the typical 1 hour interview with Joe in 20 minutes. 👉There are some advantages to his inability to recognize his sexuality.🙂 Oh yea, I almost forgot the final question "In your opinion when is it okay for you to do a sexual behavior?" He answered confidently: "After my mission for my church and after I'm married." 👉I didn't have the heart to tell him he probably wasn't going on a mission with 2 first degree felonies. 

Over the years, I have learned to recognize this "Sex is bad and dirty and I'm not sexual till marriage" pattern. This pattern typical occurs with "Hyper religious families"  who never talk about sex. 👉 Notice I didn't say "hyper spiritual".

Of course, I know Joe's lying. I've read the police report telling of the sexual touching he had with his 12 year old neighbor.  I confronted Joe about his sexual behavior by reading him his police report.  He explained: "That wasn't sex! We were just messing around!" 👉 Great, I say to myself we're making progress - he at least said the word "sex."  

Joe's story seems so ridiculous, you probably think I made up this story. I didn't! There are lots of questions generated by Joe's story. For example, How in the heck can Satan successfully get Joe to appear so healthy in all aspects of his life but the sexual one? Or how about the question, What does God count as "sex?"

Let me get on my soap box about one important lesson we can learn from Joe's story.

Once a person goes through puberty they will have sexual thoughts, feelings, and urges. 

Doesn't matter if you go to church or if you're religious. 

Doesn't even matter if you are aware of your sexuality

 or even can name body parts.😕

Joe, like many good Christian kids, has learned sex is bad and dirty and should only happen in marriage!  👉Think about this statement "something bad and dirty" that should only happen in marriage. And the problem extends from not only "sexual behavior" is bad and dirty - but thinking about it, learning about it, talking about it, just saying the words, is also bad and dirty. DON'T DO IT!!

Some parents believe and teach as if their children aren't sexual or aren't supposed to be until their honeymoon. Joe and his parents act as if somehow Joe's sexuality will lie dormant until he gets married at which time sexual arousal will magically appear. 😵

We are sexual beings created in the image of God. Sexuality can not be compartmentalized and ignored while waiting for marriage. Clinically, I believe Joe's problem in many ways is more serious and difficult to treat than his non-religious hyper sexual peers. Our sexuality is something that is always there once we go through puberty, even if acting out these sexual behaviors is not.

Will, a friend of mine just made this whiteboard  teaching some of these concepts. We're using this as part of our Foundation's #virtuestrong project:

If you have older children I would challenge you to watch this video with them.  At the end ask them "What's one thing you learned?" If you feel too uncomfortable in showing and having a brief discussion with your child - Get help!

I do NOT want any more clients. I'm getting to old and very inpatient. 😂

dr rick 

Other Dr. Rick's resources: God's Love Chemicals Puberty the Second Fire God's Plan for Sex  

Porn Proofing Booster #4: Screen Time

Booster #4: Screen Time: Acceptance and understanding of responsible use of screen time. 

OVERVIEW
When a young person receives a sexualized message it will almost always be on a screen, most likely a handheld device. Things have changed. Begin early in teaching appropriate use of screen time.   Ask questions about media messaging (Media literacy) including books romance novels, movies, still pictures, blogs, advertisements etc etc.

God's Word vs. Satan's Word

PREACHING OF THE WORD
-is more powerful upon the minds of people than the sword or anything else.

Words are powerful - Satan and God use words to influence us.

We learn this principle here:

And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God."  Alma 31:5

Word of God
We readily realize the power of "God's Word." Topical Guide "Word of God"

Coming To A School Near You -LGBTQ

Here is an example of how I am inoculating my granddaughter using Porn Proofing Kids concept. (See: Porn Proofing Kids Intro and Porn Proofing Kids Directions.)

An example of administering a Gender Booster.

Coming to a School Near You

" Lafferty said, ….it would not be a stretch to believe the changes could lead to troubling bathroom situations and to boys and girls sharing locker room changing areas..."

Yes the news article noted - IF Fairfax County School Board approves the new policy of allowing "sexual orientation and gender identity" to be listed as part of non-discrimination, then the concern is genders may be allowed to mix in bathrooms and locker rooms. (Furthermore, in some cases where schools are found to have failed to comply, the U.S. Education Department may terminate federal funding. But that's another blog.)

"Muscles and Men" and a 9-year old boy.

Here is an example of how I inoculated my grandson using Porn Proofing Kids concept. (See: Porn Proofing Kids Intro and Porn Proofing Kids Directions.)

An example of administering a Body Booster.

My wife and I were babysitting our four grandchildren in Hibbard Idaho last week. Pretty rural community next to BYU Idaho in Rexburg-nothing to worry about right? Our grandsons have great parents trying their best to raise great kids.

Are You Too "GOOD" To Be Deceived?

King David

Yes, David the Lord's Anointed, King and Prophet was deceived by Satan's Special Forces. He lusts after Bathsheba and sins. Watch this short video.

Oliver Cowdery

"D&C 28: 11–16, Satan deceived Hiram Page and gave him false revelations....
Hiram Page, a member of the Church, had a certain stone and professed to be receiving revelations by its aid concerning the upbuilding of Zion and the order of the Church. Several members had been deceived by these claims, and even Oliver Cowdery was wrongly influenced thereby...  "

Intimacy Booster Resources

See: Porn Proofing Booster #3: Intimacy

OVERVIEW
We touch people differently when being affectionate than when being courteous. A handshake may be courteous; holding hands can be affectionate. Youth need to see you being both courteous and affectionate. You can teach them how to be affectionate by hugging or giving them a gentle kiss, playing games with them, talking to and touching them gently, and telling them you love them. It is crucial that you continue the warm and loving acceptance that helped your children establish their gender identity and healthy intimacy in earlier years. Children should learn that Natural Affection is healthy and desirable. Give your children many direct opportunities to experience positive and caring relationships at home, church and at school. Help children express and receive appropriate positive affection with important people in their lives. Teach them that healthy intimacy leads to healthy sexuality. And that healthy sexuality is a gift from God.